This editorial is courtesy of my previously-mentioned "visitor," Mark Slay. I have to say, I'm rather pleased that he took the hint from my last post. This is the first guest writer I have had, so, as you read, please keep in mind: if you have any hostile reactions, direct them to him.
Enjoy!
Most Overrated Things
[Disclaimer: Overrated does not necessarily mean bad. It simply means overrated. Confused? See #1.]
3. Chocolate- I saw a commercial for a bacon chocolate bar the other day. I wanted to puke. Not because I thought of the taste (which I’m sure is awful), but more because I realized: that is such a classic American move. If I were to make an underrated list, bacon would be on it. Bacon is American, it’s NEVER marketed, yet you can always find it, it’s made by farmers (arguably), and it’s all generally the same. Bacon produces no surprises. No mysterious liquids oozes out the middle, unexpectedly, midway through a mass produced bar. All this and yet as I type this, the word bacoholic has squiggly red spellcheck lines underneath it and chocoholic does not. Chocolate is foreign, bad for you, trendy (never a good thing), and DOES NOT taste very good. It is said that the Mayans regarded cocoa beans as food from the gods. So if the world ends in a year and two months, I may change my stance on chocolate. Until then, stop putting it on my fruit, keep it away from my coffee, and please, let my bacon go.
2. The Second Amendment- On December 15, 1791, our founding fathers decided that for the security of the common man, Americans should be able to “bear arms.” This is because at the time, our main national defense was state militias, where “BYOG” was the general practice. Now there are exactly three reasons to have a gun: one is to hunt; two is to break a law in some way; and three is to protect your self against two. Let's set aside the moral dilemmas with killing living things for fun (stay in your seats hippies). Hunting is expensive, time consuming, and only approximately 1.7% of hunters use it to benefit their income or livelihood (based on a slightly unreliable poll done in my head 5 seconds ago). I would argue that hunting and golf serve the exact same purpose. This hobby is hardly worth allowing anyone in America with two hundred dollars and a decent amount of street cred to purchase an A-K 47. So yes, Miranda, I agree that we should listen to our elders, but sometimes we should use discretion when deciding whether or not to keep a law placed by those who would now be over 200 years old.
1. The Human Race- A wise narrator once said that humans may be the stupidest animals on the planet. She points out that humans put on facades and yet still expect others to understand their problems as opposed to dogs who wag right and left for happy and droop around when their sad (paraphrased). Over the past three days, this has resonated enough with me that forty minutes ago when I decided to write about the most overrated things, people is what popped in my head first. Unfortunately I can’t list all the reasons, so I will make this as short as possible. The reasons why humans are overrated, besides the fact that we, and by we I mean you, are all stupid, are as follows: People care about what their equally ignorant friends think of them, you cannot entertain yourself, the LAW of human nature is recognized yet not followed, and last, people assume they can control certain things. More importantly, they assume things should be controlled.
[I reserve the right to make exceptions to the statements in number one, including: Lincoln, King, Hilton, Gandhi, etc. Other things that almost made the overrated things list include: hellos, college, advertising, greek life, nuclear bombs, babies, spicy food, baseball, birthdays, poetry, and Dave Mathews Band.]
Our ultimate dream is that when we're old ladies, we'll do nothing but crosswords all day and feel perfectly content. We'll wear fuzzy pajamas and get tipsy on cheap wine and laugh at what the neighbors must think.
