Deep Breath, and Go

Stressed. Starting with Spring Break, I have not stopped moving. California was a much-needed escape from reality, but it left me apathetic upon returning to Dallas. I just want to keep exploring. The next weekend, I journeyed down to New Orleans, and again I felt as though I could stay on the road forever and be content. 
Now that I'm home, settling back into my routine, classes and rehearsals are torturous. I spend the majority of them checking my phone, eating, or drawing. The past ten days, I have felt overwhelmed with the dreary list of tasks set before me. For some reason, I have not had the positive attitude toward them as I usually do. You see, I normally approach a challenge with the attitude that I can handle it; bring it on. But currently, I feel helpless, meak, robbed of control over my own life. 

I have got to snap out of it.

It's time to end this pity party.

Day 30

As Britney so eloquently puts it: "Oops, I did it again."

I missed Day 29! Tomorrow concludes my 30 days of blogging, so I'll try to make these last few posts good ones.

Yesterday I learned...that others help us make sense of our own lives.

When I'm alone, doubts about the present and anxieties about the future fill my head. But as soon as I talk with my mom, dad, sister, or best friend, it all makes sense. I come to peace with whatever is on my mind. It's reassurance that you're not alone in your struggles, a simple connection with another human being that makes life seem a little more manageable.
I am a stubborn, independent girl. But I am realizing that I am so much happier when I swallow my pride and ask for a little help.

Today's post is yet to come.

...and here it is:

Know yourself.

Know yourself so well that no one else can make you doubt yourself. Know what your opinions are before you share them with others. It feels so much easier to simply agree with whoever and whatever surrounds you on a moment-to-moment basis, but that, my friends, is wasting a life, a soul, and a highly capable mind.

So take charge. Don't let anyone tell you who you are or what you think.

Day 28

Today I learned...that it's better to live bold than look perfect.


This is something I've struggled with for the past three or four years. Girls constantly battle with their insecurities: weight, height, hair, skin...something's always "wrong."
Lately, I've been so stressed with school and projects that I haven't been taking care of my personal needs. My skin's a wreck, and I haven't had time to eat normal meals, instead resorting to on-the-go junk.
But you know what? Time heals everything. And any temporary sacrifices are worth the pay-off.
Besides, it's spring break time. Later, Texas!

Day 27

Today I learned...to always take vitamins after eating. Stomach ache from hell.
:(

Day 26

Today I learned...that comfort starts from the ground up. And the right pair of shoes makes all the difference.


Now that spring is creeping slowly upon Dallas, I am breaking in my first pair of Chaco's sandals. Wearing them instead of my constricting flats made the day's hike to and from school seem much shorter. 
I have put my poor feet through hell for years as a dancer and performer, and I have now brought a peace offering: arch support!

Day 25

Today I learned...that writing comes after inspiration.

We worked on writing poems sprouting from our own memories in a workshop today. Each of us described images from our communities and childhood, and with just an ounce of effort, I dove in to a surplus of crisp, colorful images. From there, I could not stop writing. Two, three pages, all about the streets of my old neighborhood, and I could have gone on much longer. 
It's amazing how much valuable, rich information lies in our subconscious.

Day 24

Today I learned...that my coffee addiction is a GOOD thing! http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/5-health-reasons-to-not-quit-coffee-2460820/ Woohoo! Meanwhile, I am trying to think of what I would like to give up for Lent. Not that I'm Catholic, but I believe a person should test his own willpower every once in a while. So, I have two days to decide...

Day 23 (oops!)

I knew it would happen eventually. I missed a day. To mourn the loss of Day 22, I will list two things I learned from this chaotic, thrilling weekend!
First, I learned that everyone is his own worst critic. Within each of us lives a nasty, cold cynic who judges our every movement and word. I am actively working to shut up that voice inside me and to look for the positive aspects in every "failure."
And second, I learned that film is a whole world apart from theater. Acting on camera is an entirely different undertaking than acting on stage, but both outlets have their own advantages and merits. My aim as an artist is to master both in time.

Day 21

Today I learned...that it's ok to say No.


I am a hopeless people pleaser, and I often carry wayyyyyy too much weight on my shoulders. Today, I said No, twice! And the world kept moving! What an incredible relief it is to simply say No, that you cannot or do not want to do something, and be forgiven immediately by the other person.

Day 20

Today I learned...that my day doesn't start until I move.

And the faster my heart rate is during the day, the more productive I feel. And the more productive I feel, the more positive my mood becomes. 

So, I shall start my day from now on by doing something active, even if it's just dancing around my apartment. Because there is something refreshingly empowering about moving!

Day 19

At this hour, you must forgive any mistakes or offenses I commit via blogging.

Today I learned...that I am not above "potty humor."


Scoff as you might, but jokes about digestion, genitals,and body fluids will never cease to amuse us. Why? Because they makes us uncomfortable! They are intimate and forbidden and graphic...and strangely, hilarious. I have, for so long, upheld that the theatre is no place for cheap laughs. But, dammit, today I realized: what is more natural, more freeing, than talking about our bodies? We live in them, for goodness' sake! And they surprise us every day. So, why not talk about it! Not too much; just enough to get a good laugh and let it rest.

Day 18

Today I learned...that the more I have to do, the faster time goes by.


I am perpetually anxious. That is, until I get so busy and caught up in a task that I don't have time to think about the next moment. Such is the case with my life currently, as I am neck-deep in reading for class, rehearsals, and best friend shenanigans. No time to write. Bye for now!